Nobody in this life is successful without help. That may even be why you are visiting this site. We get alot of our marriage help from a couple who I consider our marriage mentors. So from time to time on this site you will see what we’ll call “Lessons from Our Marriage Mentors.” I learned the following from our marriage mentor and it will help you when relating to your spouse (or anybody for that matter.)

Lesson from Our Marriage Mentor #1 – What Every Human Needs:

Every human beings from children all the way to the elderly have common needs. When you respond to the surface expression of these base needs with selfishness, pride or laziness you communicate rejection to the core of a person. You don’t ever want to make a person feel disrespected, rejected or devalued. You don’t want to feel that way, so why make anyone else feel that way? Here is a list of what EVERY human nneds:

1. To feel like they count or like they matter
2. To be regarded
3. To feel valued and to be heard
4. To feel special
5. To feel chosen (for example, cancelling your other plans for them)
6. To be seen, heard, or acknowledged
7. To be sought and pursued
8. To feel trusted (to be seen as capable, it’s especially insulting to a spouse to indicate that they are not trusted)
9. Humans want to participate. We want a sense of independence
10. To be considered, be consulted and to contribute. (And don’t belittle a person’s choice. When you do this you will create insecurity in their choice)
11. Humans want to be respected and esteemed. (Don’t do things that communicate disrespect)
12. Humans want security and stability
13. Humans want individualized affection.

That’s the list. What do you think about this list? Your comments are appreciated.

Challenge: Now I dare you to share this list with your spouse and ask them are you violating any of these in your relationship.

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