Are you ready to tackle these finances issues?

First, put away your checkbooks and budget sheets. Huh? Yes. Close out of your high-powered Microsoft Money Reports and Excel databases. I thought we were going to deal with these financial issues in my marriage? We are. But the problems don’t start with your check register. The challenge isn’t with the number of swipes on your debit card. The bill collector isn’t interrupting dinner and fouling up your intimacy because you’re afraid to open up your mail. The issue stems from two places.

1. Your lack of understanding about each other’s financial background and upbringing.

2. Your spouse has not been faithful to you. They’ve more than likely committed FINANCIAL INFIDELITY

 Financial Background & Upbringing

You can’t believe how unreasonably frugal your wife is. What a penny pencher! And that husband can’t walk past a Best Buy without discovering something you “need” for the house. Why can’t she see that we have bills and plans? Why is he is policing the money when I spend something? Chances are real good that each of you came into the marriage with a slightly or very different idea of how to handle money and what is important where money was concerned. Either one of you is a spender and the other a saver. Or just as bad. Both of you are spenders or both of you are savers. Whatever is causing you to have financial tension started long before you even knew one another. You think that your spouse is just being difficult but the truth is, the way they “are” about money has to do with their background and upbringing. The sooner you understand their point of view on money the better off you’ll be.

If your spouse grew up in a house where they didn’t have anything – it may affect why they are so tight. If your spouse had a family who was very serious about saving and paying bills on time, it’s may contribute to your spouse’s seriousness about money. Ask questions to understand where each person is coming from… you’ll learn that they are not being difficult, it’s just this is what they know.

Ask: How were your parents like with money? Did you get allowance? What lessons did your parents teach you about money? What are your money fears? And keep building on these questions until you really can get a right perspective on your spouse’s financial history.

Financial Infidelity

Financial infidelity is lying to your spouse about where the money is going. Have you ever made a purchase and hid it for a while so your spouse wouldn’t see it? What about lied about being it on sale? Ever sneak money to your mother who was having a rough time financially? Do you have a secret bank account that you haven’t told your spouse about?  Does your spouse know how much you really make? These are all issues of financial infidelity. A study by lawyers.com revealed that nearly 30% admit to being dishonest with their spouse about spending habits. One in 4 people feel like they would rather their partner have a physical affair than commit financial infidelity.

The problem with financial infidelity is not just that you aren’t being straight-forward about the money. It’s indicative of trust issues within the marriage. It shows that you don’t trust your spouse. It can expose that you are not fully invested in the relationship and there are few things more hurtful than finding out that your partner is not “all in.” This back and forth and secrecy is robbing you and your spouse of advancing in the financial arena of your marriage. And since money is the number one reason for divorce, it could be robbing you in other areas as well.

Agreement is the Solution

Today, the two of you must declare it amnesty day. Allow each other to look each other in the eye and come clean about your financial infidelity so that you can start fresh. Possibly prepare for your spouse to be hurt if the offense is egregrious. For instance I heard on the radio just this morning how this man’s wife discovered a secret account he had with a balance of over $300,000. Imagine how devastating. But in order to move forward you must come clean. After you come clean you must talk and realize that you both want the same things for your family. Nobody wants to be in financial handcuffs. Realize that in reality you both want to live a good and secure life. You may have different ideas on how to get there. Or no plan whatsoever. This week will help solve that.

Start there. Agreement. Agreement is the chief indicator that you and your spouse are ready to advance financially.

Now that you agree, get ready for some valuable things this week that will propel you and your spouse to the next level in your finances.

Tasks for you and your spouse:

1. Discuss your financial background
2. Write down what you think your weak and strong points are financially, and write down what you think your spouse’s weak and strong points financially are and discuss.
3. Come clean about any financial infidelity and forgive one another. Declare it Amnesty Day and start fresh. Give each other the access codes to ALL bank accounts and credit card accounts, etc.
4. Get into Agreement that you want to be on the same page financially

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